We still haven’t a clue what to do about the tattered fantasy football landscape, but did you see the Vodka Examiner’s 12-4 showing in Week 10 of the Vodka Challenge? Mitch produced a sunny 10-6, but as this is a competition, Mitch, know that 2nd place is last.
Current 2011 Vodka Challenge standings through ten weeks: 29-24. As for picking every game, which should be really difficult, “Point Spread Picks” season record is 85-61. Feel free to follow us now while the iron is hot.
Thursday Night games continue this week with a match up of ineffable media darlings. Tim Tebow has captured everyone’s interest despite being an entirely average football player. Rex Ryan is a walking soundbite, upon whose every word we hang, though I wouldn’t trust him to guide me out of a burning trash bag. They, well, the Denver Broncos and New York Jets, face off Thursday. We will discuss the game and spread, but we’re truly hoping for a tie.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
New York Jets v Denver Broncos +5.5
The popular consensus following his 2 for 8, 69-yard passing day is Tebow did enough to win. It’s a little like saying a Pomeranian is a dog. While the statement is factually correct*, do you want to get attached to anything so awful? Despite liking little dogs, Mitch agrees.
Both pick: New York Jets -5.5
Sunday, November 20
Tennessee Titans v Atlanta Falcons -6.5
Has Chris Johnson truly shown up for the 2011 season? Are the Atlanta Falcons capable of repeating that 4th down overtime blunder? In the face of uncertainty, you have to ask yourself which seems more likely. The Falcons have a reasonable run defense, and no team could do that again in overtime.
Both pick: Atlanta -6.5
Cincinnati Bengals v Baltimore Ravens -7.5
The Ravens defense is set to make an example out of someone. The Cincinnati Bengals, perhaps without the services of A.J. Green, are ideal candidates.
Both pick: Baltimore -7.5
Jacksonville Jaguars v Cleveland Browns +1.5
To cover this spread Cleveland will have to win, tie or only lose by one. We don’t like their chances of doing any of these, and are certainly not going to bet on it. Mitch mentions that if this game ends 0-0, the Browns do cover.
Mitch’s pick: Cleveland +1.5
Vodka Examiner: Jacksonville -1.5
Carolina Panthers v Detroit Lions -7.5
With a healthy Calvin Johnson the Lions score 50 points against the tragic Panther’s D. No matter who is on the field, Cam Newton gets 43 points for Carolina, and they cover.
Mitch: Detroit -7.5
VE: Carolina +7.5
Tampa Bay Buccaneers v Green Bay Packers -14.5
Two teams headed in opposite directions. Yes, the Super Bowl Champion Packers are getting better. If that does not scare you, you are a Packer fan, we are jealous, and we hate you.
Both pick: Green Bay -14.5
Buffalo Bills v Miami Dolphins -2.5
Do two wins over the Chiefs and Redskins truly warrant 2.5-point favoritism? It does when your opponent has forgotten how to score and play defense. Mitch believes the spirit of General Custer is strong within the people of Buffalo, and their team shall overcome.
Mitch: Buffalo +2.5
VE: Miami -2.5
Oakland Raiders v Minnesota Vikings +1.5
Carson Palmer throws three interceptions every week he is not facing the San Diego Chargers. Mitch is not aware of how much he is supposed to dislike the Raiders, especially when they are playing a team he likes.
Mitch: Oakland -1.5
VE: Minnesota +1.5
Dallas Cowboys v Washington Redskins +7.5
It is difficult to justify a 7-point road favorite unless it’s the Green Bay Packers. However, the Redskins have not scored double digit points since Week 7, and that was in a double digit loss.
Both pick: Dallas -7.5
Seattle Seahawks v St. Louis Rams -2.5
The Rams survive a game in Cleveland and are now giving points? Okay, they handled the Saints in St. Louis, but seeing as they could not beat the Browns by 1.5-points, we feel this spread is too high. Mitch is as emotional regarding Tarvaris Jackson as we are about the Raiders. Won’t be a surprised if Mitch misses this game, and we miss that one.
Mitch: St. Louis -2.5
VE: Seattle +2.5
Arizona Cardinals v San Francisco 49ers -9.5
Every running back in this game is questionable. Neither quarterback is exceptional. The ‘9ers have something like a ten game lead in the NFC Awful, and don’t really need to beat anyone by ten points. Yes, they can start resting people in Week 11. In this and on Green Bay, above, Mitch is giving an unprecidented amount of points, and we hope he is feeling well.
Mitch: San Francisco -9.5
VE: Arizona +9.5
San Diego Chargers v Chicago Bears -3.5
Did we miss something? Is San Diego not embroiled in an anemic losing streak? Did the Bears not beat the Eagles, and just humiliate the Detroit Lions? The Chargers aren’t covering, any more than winning, and Jay Cutler is doing a lot less sucking. This spread makes so little sense, it’s maddening.
Both pick: Chicago – and stake our Reputations
Philadelphia Eagles v New York Giants -4.5
Philadelphia destroys Dallas, then loses to Arizona. The Giants are similarly all over the ability-map, but have not lost to anyone as poor as the Cardinals. Got a lot of chalk picks this week, and wish we could justify taking these points, but aren’t sure Vick is even playing.
Both pick: New York -4.5
Monday, November 21
Kansas City Chiefs v New England Patriots -14.5
Mitch has offered some fine commentary on this game, and we shall thus use it:
“This game will be as close as a beauty contest between Tom Brady’s wife and Todd Haley’s beard.”
Both pick: New England -14.5
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Did you notice the 85-61 record?