I know the title sounds a little strange but truth be told many marriages are that very predicament with your teen. If the parents win their teen live and their marriage has a lot less stress. If the teen wins over their parents in this situation, they die and the marriage may or may not survive.
By the time their children enter treatment for substance abuse; most parents have been through a long nightmare of constant worry and heartache. Other parents may fret about SAT scores and college choices – these parents worry if their children will live to see their sixteenth birthdays.
Some things that marriages and parents struggle with can be; “I wanted to believe her so much” is a constant theme. Often there is a long history of lying, even about small things. One parent put it this way, “I’d ask, ‘Did you clean your room?’ and she’d lie.
‘Did you do your homework?’ she’d lie. ‘Will there be parents at the party?’ she’d lie. ‘Are you using drugs?’ she’d lie. I’m not a stupid or weak person I just wanted to believe her.” “We allowed our teen to manipulate us.” One single mother rued the fact that she had overly adored her son and allowed him to “work her” ever since he was little.
“He knew how to pull my strings,” she said. “When he told me ‘Drug tests would destroy the trust between us,’ I fell for that.” When parents finally own up to the fact they have been used and manipulated, they usually feel betrayed and angry. At that point, they can begin to work through old negativity and develop honest and open communication with their child.
Parents often regret that they allowed their teens to make too many of their own decisions about issues like marijuana, drinking, and sex. They may not have realized that their child was facing a totally different, more dangerous culture than the one of their own youths, is totally a different monster.
They believed in giving children freedom and choices. Now they wish that they had given their child more direct guidance and specific information about the dangers of drug use. They wish they had set and enforced stricter limits. You may have heard the saying, “Denial is not a river in Egypt.”
It may seem flippant, but it reminds us not only how common denial is, but how easy it is not to even recognize it as such. When a parent or teen is in denial about addiction, it is for a reason. Embarrassment: What will the neighbors think? If your child gets help and ends up on the road to recovery, this will be moot.
If your child continues to spiral out of control and ends up overdosing or incarcerated that can be a far greater embarrassment. Not MY Child: This form of denial can allow parents to completely disregard, ignore, and turn a blind eye to obvious signs of addiction. Writing off a serious alcohol or drug problem as “teens-will-be-teens” behavior can have tragic consequences.
Your A+ honor’s student is not necessarily immune to drug or alcohol addiction. And those A’s may soon disappear as the disease progresses. Here is a point of view from a teen I’ve with; “Most of the time I wake up and wish I didn’t have to. That first toke when I get to school just makes me feel okay.
I’ve been smoking pot for four years and I still get good grades, so who cares? I mostly drink beer, and only on the weekends. My friends laugh because I can drink all the boys under the table. They are such lightweights.
Sometimes I do forget what I did, but what’s the big deal? That’s the idea! Who wants to remember every nasty thing other girls say to you.” “My mom takes Xanax so how’s that any different? It’s their fault I feel this way. They think it’s their job to fix me. But I don’t need to be fixed. I need to be left alone.” Now, how will your marriage withstand this issue?