Breaking up is never easy. It doesn’t matter if you are the one doing the breaking up or the one being broken up with, the physical act of the break up is hard on everyone. If you are the one doing the breaking up, you worry about how the other person will take the news. Will they accept the break up gracefully or will they have a total mental breakdown? Or will their reaction be somewhere in the middle? This is something that you will never be able to predict for certain.
Breaking up does not have to be a roll of the dice. The best way to break up with someone and anticipate a mature reaction is to be honest. First, don’t play games. Once you have decided that you want out of the relationship, be honest with the other person. They will respect you for it and you can respect yourself. They should be the first person you tell. Don’t tell your friends or their friends that you are going to break up with them. They are the one you were dating and they should be the one you tell. This was your relationship with the other person, not your relationship with their friends.
Second, don’t start seeing other people before you have ended the first relationship. This is disrespectful to them and to your self and to the new person you are interested in dating. In addition, to being disrespectful, this could ruin your new relationship. How can you begin a relationship that should be based on trust and respect if you are starting it off on a foundation of lies and deceit?
Finally, be direct and upfront with the person you are breaking up with. Stringing them along and giving them false hope about the relationship will make the actual act of the break up more stressful on both of you. The person you are breaking up with will be blind sided and their reaction to the break up will be less than favorable. Be direct and make the break up a clean and swift cut. Don’t mislead or make empty promises to the other person. Explain why you wish to discontinue the relationship. If it is a relationship where you will be in constant contact with the other person, such as work or school, you will want to be able to have a civil relationship after the break up. So plan the break up out ahead of time. Know what you are going to say and how you will say it. Choose your words carefully and don’t lay blame on the other person if you can avoid it. Blaming them for the break up may not lead to the civil outcome you are seeking.
Remember a break up is the end of a relationship. It is not a game or a threat to be made when things don’t go your way. Make the break up swift and as painless as possible. This will make things easier on both parties.
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