Sure, in a perfect world, we’d be gearing up for a semi-final results show with J.R., Ricki, Chynna, and David… or Kristin.
Instead, Rob comes out of nowhere to blow away the field last night. And Hope (and more unbelievably, Maks) are still floundering around.
That’s just the way the Mirrorball spins, apparently.
We kick things off with the encore dance from Rob and Cheryl (’cause Carrie Ann loves that booty!), and they’re further rewarded with a trip to the Finals. Somewhere Kim is realizing she’s no longer the most relevant Kardashian.
From there, we’re off to the stage, where a gaggle of clerks from my local Abercrombie & Fitch are performing. Or it’s Cobra Starship. Either way, it’s almost worth it to see Len up and gettin’ his groove on.
Over to the Red Light District we go, where, in the most unsurprising announcement of the season (and that includes Metta World Ron Artest Peace Hoops Guy’s dismissal in week one), Hope and Maks are told they’re in jeopardy. In just about 45 minutes, they’ll get even worse (and even less surprising) news– but we’re getting ahead of ourselves.
After a bit of Brooke-fueled filler, Carson makes his, um, triumphant return, offering us a glimpse inside the DWTS costume department. An entire season of Project Runway doesn’t have that much sequins and satin.
Derek and Anna take the stage next, whooping out a whip-smart Lady Gaga number in their black leather get-ups. Man, is there a better dance alive today than Derek? Seriously.
For the final grab-a-hankie story of the season, we get an inspirational tale for all young, male dancers. Kenneth Wormald (Mr. New Footloose) introduces four fellas who proceed to tear the crap out of the dance floor and backflip all over all the bullies who ever picked on them. “Suck it, yo. I got me a Lacey Schwimmer climbin’ all over me.”
MUPPETS! Cooler than Bieber, zippier than The Band Perry, and more fun than a bucket o’ Kelly Clarksons, Kermit and gang belt out their new tune from their new movie… which arrives a week from tomorrow. And then Statler and Waldorf wrap it up with a few choice barbs at poor Tom. Awesome.
The final two stars make their way to Prelimination Station, where J.R. finds out that he’s the ‘someone-has-to-be-put-in-the-jeopardy’ with Hope. Ricki is safe. Just hang in there, J.R.– give it two minutes. It’s all good.
Sure enough, young Hope gets the heave-ho, and Carrie Ann and Len both can both be seen (no, not really) telling Maks to not let the door hit his pompous ass on the way out. How’s that 0-for-11 feel, buddy?
Next week, we’re back for… the Finals! It’s a J.R./Ricki/Rob showdown!
See you then.
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