Our parents are the first people that we know after we come into the world. That is why our future relationships with the opposite sex have to do with a lot of how our parents treated us and each other. Even if a person had parents that clothed and fed him (or her), their parent(s) may not have been there emotionally. Others might have a verbally or physically abusive parent. Or parents that demanded a lot, but did not provide the necessary tools for the person to mature. Whatever your relationship with your father or mother, their behaviors and thinking can carry over into your relationships.
For example, a friend of mine kept wondering why she kept going after the same type of man. She kept dating emotionally unavailable men who only wanted her for sex. Later on, the friend confided that after many years, one day her father told her that he was a philanderer who hid his outside relationships from his wife. The mother was an emotionally unstable person. Seeing this relationship as she grew up, she thought that this was the way men and women were supposed to behave towards each other. This explained why she settled for second best. Even though she was an attractive and intelligent person.
So, suppose someone tries to find their mate for life. What should they do to keep from attracting the wrong type of person? The first thing is to realize and be aware that your parent(s) have provided the wrong role model for you. By realizing this, you can become conscious of your actions instead of repeating the same thing.
The second thing is much harder. You must not want to repeat the same pattern again. You need to break out of your usual mode and be the best person that you can be. If you are not up to the task, the easier way to do this is to know yourself. Do things by yourself. Go somewhere that interests you, but you were afraid to go because you had no one to go with. Be your own best friend. Get to know what you like. Then, start dating, but be very conscious of who you are with. Don’t just go with anybody because he is interested in you. Point blank, ask him why he likes you. If it’s for reasons that are not kosher, then dump him.
People who are immature go with someone just so they can have somebody. What they really mean is that they don’t want to be by themselves. That is not a good enough reason to keep and hold onto someone for the long term. Keep at it until you find someone that is worthy. Don’t just settle for anyone. Find someone who is willing to love you and want you to be the best person that you can be.