Many of you have heard about the 80/20 rule. If you’re a Tyler Perry fan, you have definitely heard of it in his movies. For those of you who don’t know, this ‘rule’ was actually a mathematical formula created by Vilfredo Pareto (www.wikipedia.org) which he used to describe the unequal distribution of wealth in the economy to be used in terms of business. He stated that only 20% of the population owned 80% of the wealth. Today it is referred to as Pareto’s Law or Principle. This was then expanded upon by Dr. Joseph Juran with his principle of “vital few and trivial many” which means that 20 percent are vital and 80 percent are trivial. In other words, focus 20 percent of your time on the 80 percent that is really important; 20 percent of the important produces 80 percent of your results or as I like to call it, work smarter (on the right things) not harder.
Now ladies, before you get that raised eye brow look while you’re saying to yourself “what in the world is she talking about and how does that apply to relationships”, read onward. In terms of relationships, most cases you will get 80 percent of what you NEED versus the 20 percent of what you WANT. There will always be someone in this world that will have that 20 percent of what you want from your partner that you’re not getting. This can cause you to lose focus of the 80 percent of what you need and you are getting from your partner because what you also want is that other 20 percent. The phrase ‘the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence’ has true merit. Too many times I have seen friends and associates leave a good partner, someone who is giving them 80 percent of their needs, for a hot, sexy, successful, different man for what they thought was ‘better’ and end up realizing, often times too late, that what they wound up with was only 20 percent of what they wanted and nothing of what they needed. They realize they had a good 80 percent already and they threw it away, for that 20 percent. It’s important to be careful in deciding what you WANT versus what you NEED in your life. Be cautious that you don’t throw away that good 80 percent that you already have in your life, that you need in your life, for that other 20 percent that you think you want….and later realize you don’t really want it after all.
We have in our minds the type of man we want, the qualities and characteristics are probably written down in indelible ink somewhere for you to review occasionally, maybe you even revise the list as you go from one relationship to another and learn some things. As time goes on, perhaps he’s changed from how he used to be, maybe he’s not as romantic, attentive, maybe he’s let himself go physically, or has become a workaholic and doesn’t take time out for you or the family like he used to. There are a lot of things that can change in a relationship over time with negligence and being taken for granted being at the top. Or perhaps it is you who has changed, and you don’t realize it. Maybe it’s you who has suddenly decided that 20 percent that you wanted but told yourself didn’t really matter before, well now it does matter to you, but he won’t give it to you or you don’t know how to communicate it to him. There are dozens of factors that can come contribute to your discontent. What you want to remember, ladies, is to make sure you are also the woman who is giving him 80 percent of his needs, maybe you’ll even give him more than that and the needs will also encompass the wants as well. The 80/20 rule applies to you as well as to him. It goes both ways. The key my friends, is to always learn and grow from all your relationships. Whether it’s a personal relationship, friendship, business associates, people watching; every relationship has something to teach you, to help you to be a better woman, for yourself, your family and for your partner. The bottom line is to learn to become the best woman you can be, first for yourself, which will then allow you to be the best for your Mr. Right; whether he’s already in your life or you’re still waiting for him to come knock your socks off and are simply enjoying life until that moment happens.
Some local popular San Diego bookstores such as www.controversialbookstore.com, www.barnesandnoble.comand online sites as www.amazon.comare full of excellent books to help you mentally, physically and spiritually. The internet in general, is also of free useful resources to help a person be ‘better’, if that’s what you desire to do. Whatever your current mentality is, whatever your ‘idea’ is of who you are, just remember that perception is everything and what you think of you, may not be what he thinks of you. Having said that, I do not mean that whatever he or anyone else, thinks of you should ever belittle or take place of what you think of yourself. If you think you’re A-okay and a heck of an awesome woman and a great catch, well then, more power to you. Love yourself ladies, 100 percent! But if, just maybe, you think that perhaps, you could do with some self help, healing (mental, spiritual, physical, etc.), learning and growth, don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit it and do something about it. Love begins with YOU before it can be shared and reciprocated.