Welcome to another Them’s Fightin’ Words, recapping Monday Night Raw, and this week we’re live in WWE Champ, CM Punk’s hometown of Chicago.
So naturally, who else should come out to the ring first but the Second City Saviour.
WWE Monday Night Raw airs in Monroe, La. every Monday at 9/8c on USA.
For Monroe residents USA is channel 242 on Direct TV, channel 105 for DISH Network and channel 26 for Comcast cable subscribers. Contact your local cable provider for more info.
Well, that’s what the WWE leads us to believe when Punk’s signature music hits. But who should come out instead but Interim GM, John Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis wants to prove to the fans that he isn’t as boring or predictable as people think, as this latest “gotcha” of his will attest.
Please John, you’re trying too hard. This is like that uncle everybody has who always wants to prove how “hep” and “with it” he is, so he awkwardly does the latest dance to prove his point. Only instead he does the next-to-the-latest-dance instead, one that *just* went out of style like last month, proving he is still grossly out of touch.
Punk’s music hits again and the Chicago arena lights up when the real Punk comes out.
“This crowd was booing John Laurinaitis so loud he couldn’t even hear himself suck.” said King.
Punk offers to kick Laurinaitis in the head for aping his style. Johnny Ace reminds Punk he’s his boss and if he does so there’ll probably be a “future endeavor” in it for him. He tells Punk he’s got not 1, not 2, but 3 matches tonight. He schedules Punk in a Gauntlet match, one where he’ll have to face 3 contenders, one after the other. If any of the three men beat him they instantly become #1 contender for the WWE title. Punk suggests a counter-stipulation, that if he beats all 3 contenders he gets to take on Laurinaitis in a 4th match. After some goading from the crowd: some “You can’t wrestle!” chants, Laurinaitis agrees.
Heh, please tell me Johnny Ace is going to come to the ring in his Dynamic Dudes getup, including kitschy early 80’s era pornstache. Riding a skateboard.
C’mon guys, it’s the Holidays.
Next up is another one of those weird “Classroom kids” promo, reminding us all that, “He’s coming.” Whoever “He” is, he’ll be on Raw next week. Maybe.
First matchup of the night is Booker T and Cody Rhodes, continuing their ongoing feud. Pretty decent match; Booker looks like he hasn’t lost a step. Well, not very many at any rate. The two have a pretty good back-and-forth contest. It takes Cody dodging the first two attempts but Booker finally nails him on the third, getting off his Guillotine leg drop and taking the win.
Cody has really established himself in the ring but I think it was a mistake getting rid of the paper bags thing. Doing away with the face-mask, ok I get that part but having a devoted following of ‘bag heads’ on the front row during every match really did a lot to set off his character.
King announces Punk’s opponents for the night. First up is Jack Swagger. If he beats him next up he’ll take on Dolph Ziggler. If he finishes off Dolph he faces Mark Henry.
Backstage Kelly Kelly shares…umm… ‘beauty tips’ with Big Show. Umm… I dunno, your guess is as good as mine. A ref informs Show he’s needed in Johnny Ace’s office. And maybe I’m looking too hard but I could’ve sworn I saw Show steal a glance at ‘Cleave’-land before he left. I’ll bet ridiculously tall guys like him get away with stuff like that all the time. And can you blame him, with her wearing that white top with the… with the… things.
You know the one. *Ahem* Anyway, moving on…
Backstage Laurinaitis gets off the phone with Brodus Clay, promising that he’ll get to make his long-awaited debut next Monday, on the first Raw of 2012. Sooo, the “Kids in the Classroom” star is debuting next week and, according to Laurinaitis, so is Clay. Could this big mystery be just as simple as I was saying, that Brodus is the guy all these promos have been about all along? Unless they’re trying to throw us off the trail by making it too obvious, with Brodus debuting in addition to the other, mystery star.
But then, I’ve been burned before betting on the profundity of the WWE. Sometimes watching WWE is like that episode of the Office where Robert California talks with Kevin about sweets for 8 hours straight, thinking it’s all some grand metaphor for life, the workplace and man’s place in the universe, only to realize the big oaf was really just talking about chocolate chip cookies the whole time.
So yeah, mystery solved, Brodus Clay is ‘He’, and he is coming, next week. Like for realz this time, peeps. No takesies backsies or nothin’. No foolin’.
Continue reading to hear about Zack Ryder and Eve Torres in their surprising co-ed match.
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