Are you dreading going over to your in-laws for the holidays? Are you already thinking of your comeback lines for those special individuals in your own family? If your answer to either of the above questions is yes, you need help. Please, read on…
With the holiday rush and excitement also come unrealistic expectations.
It seems with all the planning and running around shopping our minds can become clouded. We see a little snow, we get happy. Suddenly we are in holiday mode. We start checking off our shoping lists and we feel accomplished. We feel a rush of excitement that the holidays are finally upon us and we tend to get stuck in the moment. A happy moment. We relish in the long awaited festive month of December. That is, until…
The reality of the holidays starts to set in
Do you think your mother-in-law is finally going to be decent and give you the respect that you deserve? Do you think your sister-in-law is going to be any nicer than she already isn’t? To answer your questions, chances are, no and no. While it sounds harsh, you shouldn’t fool yourself into thinking that all that has happened in yet another 360 days is magically going to disappear and be forgotten in one day. First things first, don’t fake it, again! When you fake it you are creating a build-up of more and more resentful feelings and emotions over the years. If you feel a certain way and feel strongly about it, open up and speak your mind. Doing so will lessen the chances of you snapping and releasing all the ugliness at once. And while I am in no way encouraging you to invite your sister-in-law to the front yard or your brother-in-law to the alley, I am suggesting you find some resolve in whatever the issue may be. And yes, it’s always easier said than done. But you have to start somewhere. And that somewhere may have to start with you. So…
Deal with it!
It’s a fact: For the most part, in-laws are like oil and water; they tend to mix not so well, if at all.
While it may sound harsh it is the truth. Think about whether or not you want to spend the rest of your natural life dreading holiday get-togethers. Instead, think about what it is that is really bothering you. Is the issue with his mother or his sister? Is it that you despise the hypocrisy that comes with meeting under the same roof a couple times a year? If you can find the answers to these questions you have won half the battle. Why, you may ask. If you are able to address certain feelings or issues headon, with, say, his mother, you are on your way to finding a solution. Of course, you will have to address this before the actual get-together but it will make for less stress and ease the tension in the air.
The holidays should be a time where family is eager to visit one another, puts their differences aside, and instead, focus on the good that the past year has brought. For some, this may sound impossible but the fact is that it is possible. And that possible may have to start with you being the bigger more responsible person. Take the initiative and put an end to the unnecessary drama.
And finally, when you have cleared the air you may actually look forward to and not dread spending the holidays together. Or avoiding them altogether making up excuses as to why you can’t come down from Chicago to Michigan.
‘But she is such a &!%@#!’
Ok, so, this person’s goal in life just may be to hold onto not-so-nice, callous feelings toward you. Maybe there is a bigger issue at hand that is much more complex. Either way, it’s nothing to lose sleep over (I’m 99.9% sure she isn’t.) In addition, if you gave it a shot at making amends in hopes to remedy the situation, at least you did your part and put forth your effort at being the bigger person. Give yourself that much credit (and peace of mind.) There is not much else you can do.
After all is said and done (…and tried)
Perhaps you need not spend every holiday at your in-law’s or family’s house. Maybe all you need to do is spend it right at home with your immediate family, even if it means you two. Alone. With no drama. Happy! The way holidays should be remembered.