Though Thanksgiving approaches and tables will soon be occupied by family members, coming together for feasting, Herman Cain has proverbially forked himself and might as well announce that he is officially done. Countdown on Current has followed his demise, and it boils down to suspected lies. There is a virtual cornucopia of examples. His famous 9-9-9 plan has repeatedly morphed and recently shot off into outer space. No one could follow it anyway. Most got lost after the nine per-cent flat tax that few can afford. (I recently purchased a frozen pumpkin pie that was almost nine dollars after tax!)
No presidential person would openly admit that he wanted to fry people on an electrified fence. After that faux pas, he continued to go deeper into the hot water (or should I say oil?) with vacilation on what he actually said and even more importantly, meant. A fence, maybe not a fence. Electrified, maybe not electrified. “It will kill you!” Maybe it won’t kill you. Who can keep up with this? Wolf Blitzer was blitzed by it. He did not know whether to mash or make gravy. Who does? Cain’s campaign has been basted with the spirit of confusion.
The delusion is caused by the constant infusion of lard and malarkey into areas where the speaker has no idea what to say next. After a lifetime of working with folks making things up, almost anyone can become a lie detector. There will be hesitation, repetition, and questioning instead of answering when a question is posed. Often the word, “Hunh?” will be asked to give the liar time to think up a better lie. Master liars have strained this out with pause. And there is truly reason for pause. We learned that with Sarah Palin. No potential wants to say, “I don’t know.”
Everyone keeps wondering how his numbers go higher in the polls, when HerMan cannot seem to stand the heat in the kitchen. Could it be that the Republicans figured they had to have a black man to beat a black man to The White House? And so, no matter how low he may go, Cain still rises in the polls. The party cannot let go simply because there is no one else right now who could beat President Barack Obama. So, even though he is the lone black man on a stage of white people with a debate audience sea of white people, even though he has commercials that condone cigarette smoking and use that symbol that looks like the Cancer Society’s logo, and even though he actually mocks the names of important foreign countries (and they are all important because they all have people in them!) Cain stays on top.
Keith played the Huckabee clip about Popeye’s chicken last night. That was an effort on the part of that famous former presidential contender to reduce the heat on Cain for his messy kitchen. Submissive wives might have enjoyed it, but the old jokes about breasts and thighs, the mockery of Southern hospitality found in the use of words like “Honey” and the association of a black man with fried chicken are things that just aren’t that funny. Not anymore. Not when we are supposed to be making the nation better. Not when every person is supposed to be trying to become the best version of himself or herself.
There is no problem with his having been the CEO of Godfather’s Pizza. We used to have one of those in our town. That is not an issue. Neither is pizza price, which is often confused with his financial plan. But, for Herman Cain to tell a nation with the current unemployment rate to go do what he did, to get out there and get a job and rise to the top, is crazy. I am very curious about how he launched himself myself. It reminds me of how my students would all try to check out the only copy of Michael Jordan’s biography that our library had. There was a long waiting list and every single one of those students was led to believe that he could grow up and be like Mike. The book was all beat up once we would acquire it. It had been read to hell and back, dreamed on, and slept with. I would tell the truth to those guys, that the set of kinesthetic skills that Jordan had could not be found in all young men. It broke my heart to tell them that the shoes would not do it either. Jordan was born gifted and talented.
I happened to go to Cane’s Fried Chicken this past weekend for some chicken fingers. I thought about Cain, but I realized that the name is spelled differently. I noticed that every girl in every window was pregnant. In fact, I spoke with both of them about it as I drove through. I did not mention Mr. Cain. Why? Because I doubt that he had anything to do with this coincidence. If I believed he was in some way responsible, it would not be logical. That man is not logical. He is not making sense. And the skeletons are starting to come out of his closets. Well, truth be told, they are not actually skeletons, but real women with meat on their bones. They are human beings who have complaints about him. Eventually, this had to happen.
The truth will out. Remember that? Keith has been telling us that Cain is from outer space for some time. If he is not, some of his ideas certainly are. They just don’t make sense. His behavior does not either…or his alleged behavior. The Restaurant Association might have some reservations in dealing with these issues, and Cain might need to be more reserved himself. I hate to be the pot calling the kettle black, but I have been known to be a magpie myself, to say too much. I am working on it. The headline at AOL today had a quote from Cain, who was on Jimmy Kimmel last night. Cain said, “We are taking this head on.” That might not have been the best choice of words. It is just nuts to say that! He needs to pull out.