So everyone seems to do a Best of Year End Review and well that’s just not my style. I’ve seen over 100 movies in the theater this year and probably another 100+ on DVD and believe me not all of them are gems. So I decided to do a Worst of 2011 list, but with specific categories.
Worst Twilight Rip-Off: Now Twilight is bad enough, but 2011 brought us Red Riding Hood, a horrible take on the classic fairy tale with 2 actors who’s sole job was to appear sexy and shirtless. It was dreadful and tanked at the box office and I still haven’t figured out if Amanda Seyfried is cute or not.
Worst Film to Have 3 Oscar Winners in It: Robert DeNiro, Halle Berry and Hilary Swank have all won Oscars and they also starred with half of Hollywood in the abomination that is New Year’s Eve. Hopefully it bombing at the box office will save us from Memorial Day and Flag Day.
Worst Dialect in Film: As far as I can tell, we here in America speak the same language as the people in England just with different accents. Well for some reason I have no idea what the young hoodlums were saying in Attack the Block. This movie is on some Best of lists and I know a few people who loved it, I pretty much hated it. But then again most of the people who liked this loved the unwatchable Scott Pilgrim last year so go figure. It was a mix of hardcore British accents with ghetto words and I asked a friend who was there what they were saying and even she had no idea and she lived in England for over a year.
Worst Fourth Movie in a Series: Scream 4 came about a decade after anyone cared about the franchise. What’s even worse is that it introduced a ton of new characters while keeping the original three. Do I root for the original 3 or the new kids? Wait I just won’t care about this boring film that used the same 2 killer theme as the others. We really waited a decade for THIS film?
Worst Third Movie in a Series: I’m not a fan of Michael Bay’s Transformers movies and the third one, Dark of the Moon, took the only watchable part of the films (Megan Fox) and replaced her with a model (no not an actress). He took pretty much the same plot as the second one and I don’t know, added more explosions or something. Unfortunately Bay is talking about continuing the series.
Worst Remake: There were a ton of remakes (as usual) this year, Straw Dogs seems to make a lot of lists, but the hands down worst remake is Arthur. Russell Brand’s film is close to unwatchable and completely unfunny. I literally asked the guy next to me if I laughed once, he said no. The only thing Brand has on Dudley Moore is height.
Worst Science Fiction Styled Movie: Source Code is my initial reaction to this, but for most of the movie I kinda liked it just for the ending to break all the groundwork it laid out. So my pick is In Time. The Justin Timberlake film is so stupid. Time represents money in the film, but the film itself represents boredom. The people living the high life have all the time in the world. Gee you think the filmmakers are pandering to the down economy and jaded Americans right now occupying your local city? And I still haven’t figured out if Amanda Seyfried is cute or not.
Worst Film to Screw Up an Easy Concept: Take hot chicks in skimpy outfits, make them fight people with swords and guns and you have an instant hit right? Tell that to Zack Snyder and his film Sucker Punch. It had hot chicks, but fighting in awful ways with absurd camera tricks and super slow motion CGI nightmares. Snyder’s becoming a one trick pony.
Worst Most Talked About Film of the Year: The Tree of Life boggles my mind. Most people hated it or at least didn’t “get it” yet the diehard fans of it will come to your house and shoot your wife for talking trash about it. Ok maybe not shoot your wife, but they will defend this movie till no end. It starts out interesting enough, story of 1950’s family in America, somewhat abusive father/husband then bam here comes the dinosaurs. Oh you think I’m joking? Nope. Malick goes from family life to dinosaurs and Big Bang Theory IMAX film back to family life with a grown up son played by Sean Penn. As art it is breathtaking. As a structured film with a plot and story, it’s total garbage.
Worst Performance at the Box Office: Now I don’t know if this is statistically the worst, but Main Street, starring Oscar winner Colin Firth had an estimated $10 million budget and made $1553 (no I’m not missing any commas) at the box office playing 1 screen on September 11, 2011. Never heard of it? Neither had I till I reviewed for it DVDSnapshot. You can read my review (which is better than the movie) here: http://www.dvdsnapshot.com/2011/11/22/main-street/
Worst Movie that White America and Hollywood Loved: There are two movies I almost walked out of this year, but stayed because I had to. One is the previously mentioned New Year’s Eve, the other is The Help. I haven’t talked to a single African-American who liked the movie yet every white person I know who saw it, loved it. Now mind you I’m white (like super white, glow in the dark white), and I thought it was one of the most ignorant movies I’ve ever seen. Being white, you hate the way we are portrayed as nothing, but racists (besides 2 girls) in the movie. If you’re black, you hate how you were treated by us whiteys back in the day and that you have a bunch of black maids who can’t get their story told till a young, WHITE, college educated girl comes home and writes a book with them. Wow, how eye opening. Sure there were and still are many racists in that part of the country, but come on now. And having a heavy set, black woman saying “I love fried chicken” as she’s cooking fried chicken doesn’t help any race relations today. Why not have her sing “Master’s Got Me Working” while she juggles watermelons and basketballs at the same time? Pretty much the same image you are portraying. Oh and did I mention people laughing, cheering and loving the fact that someone ate someone’s crap in the movie?